SKD’s heaving bosom and friends

Bolton’s fortunes have evolved hugely over the past 6 months. A new boss, bringing a new Bolton into a new, technically dominant world. Our striker has finally started cooking with fire and we have become a lot more pleasant on the eye. That’s not even mentioning the football. 

Twitter is taking over the internet (after facebook took over the world). As a man with nothing interesting to say I have no reason to open a twitter account. However, I have on occasion stumbled upon the Twitter pages of a few Wanderers. 

It was national news a few weeks ago that Super Kevin Davies had been chatting with fans via his page (it was The Metro on a slow news day). SKD was seemingly having serious issues attempting to cook a Pop Tart in his toaster, the secret is revealed. In future children will be told to eat carrots to see in the dark, crusts to get curly hair and Pop Tarts to grown stupendously majestic chests. SKD couldn’t understand why he kept burning the little jam treat, despite only putting it in for half the time of toast. 

Upon being advised to turn the toaster down, he merely laughed at the relatively upper class public who could afford adjustable toasters, when he was a bairn he made toast by scared bread on fire. 

The other Twitter Wanderer who has caught the eye is that of Mr. Stuart Holden. Partly because he has posted pictures of SKD getting into an ice bath, partly because he has posted pictures of Johan Elmandog’s comical footwear, mainly because he has posted pictures of himself…usually eating something. 

As Bolton have so few fans who come out in public I don’t socialise with a great deal of them, but those which I do, myself included, have a genuinely concerning degree of man gay for the most American American of all time. Photographic evidence of Holden eating a roast dinner or some sort of cake are the reasons why ‘Stu Holden Twitter’ is one of my most commonly typed phrases into google. 

A follower of his recently posted a picture showing what Stuey sent in return for a request for a signed photo.  He sent the photo and a signed scarf…. And a hand written 3 page letter in uneven lines scrawling all over the page. If I don’t meet Kelly Brook soon or Holden sold to the higher standard he deserves I fear I may cross the brown line from which one can never return