The Unimaginable Future Of Football

Picture this, the year is 2025 and the Premier League kick-off is just around the corner.

Manchester United have strengthened their 45 man squad using corporate connections in Asia and their 20 schools of excellence in Africa, and are ready for the first game vs Birmingham District XI, the team formed from the collapse of Birmingham City, Wolves, Aston Villa and West Brom. They have scoured the schools and pub leagues for players and have 8 under the age of 17 on show for the game.

Holographic simulcasts will broadcast the game live into 35 stadiums around the world, with odds of 25-1 on a United win, given by the Rooney Betting Corporation of Toxteth.

Merseyside Marauders will be next for this United team that has now won 33 titles, 20 consecutively. Entry to games remains free as the simulcasts in Asia generate the revenue, which is important since the £ collapsed in 2013, in the second Banking Crisis of the Capitalist Instance (BCCI).

After the London game in 2 weeks, United will fly to Munich, Madrid and Beijing for the next 3 games, returning via Los Angeles after the game at Beckingham Palace.

This 12 game season will be the shortest yet, giving the players time off to enjoy their island homes formed by sea level rise in southern Europe.

Sir Alex Ferguson said:

“I’m excited for the season ahead; at my age as long as you’re fit you just keep going”.

Rumours that Kevin Keegan and Steve Coppell are forming a team are considered unlikely. Although both were seen wearing orange wigs over the weekend which seems to have fuelled the alliance rumours.

Karen Brady, Chair of the Global Soccer League said:

“It’s hard to believe people once played this game in parks for fun. We’ve come so far”

Of course this is all impossible make believe, just like those devices in Star Trek don’t look anything like my Iphone, and Tracy Island isn’t Rooney Towers. Come on, get a grip!

Bring on Man City and let it be a game of quality, because this one wasn’t.

Steve Burrows CBE @ifollowsteve