Things I would rather do than see Chris Foy officiate a Spurs game

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Yes, I’m still angry at Chris Foy. I thought ‘have a few boys, sleep on it and you’ll be fine again in the morning’. So I awoke at the ripe time of 8am, grab a quick coffee and flick on Sky Sports News and what is the first thing I see? Chris Foy. The same rage that filled my body during the second half of yesterday’s 2-1 defeat was back. Despite a good sleep and a relaxing evening, I was furious once again.

I couldn’t help it and it got me thinking of what I would rather do than see Chris Foy officiate a Spurs game ever again. Below are a number of the activities I would rather partake in:

  1.       Sit in a room full of chlorine gas
  2.       Watch the Notebook
  3.       Grill my hand
  4.       Eat my grilled hand
  5.       Go and watch Arsenal play
  6.       See Harry Redknapp field a full strength team in the Europa League
  7.       Swap Gareth Bale for Bradley Wright-Phillips
  8.       Let Ryan Shawcross into my house
  9.       Give him a cup of tea
  10.    Let Arsene Wenger babysit my children (when I have children)
  11.    Pick up my dog’s poo bare-handed
  12.    Smear the above on my face
  13.    Support Celtic
  14.    Sit in a bath-tub full of acid
  15.    Play soggy biscuit against myself
  16.    Purposefully lose soggy biscuit against some friends
  17.    Eat a chocolate cake
  18.    Eat my own sick
  19.    Argue that Stoke play better football than Barcelona
  20.    Argue that Barcelona are worse than Stoke
  21.    Compare Peter Crouch to Lionel Messi
  22.    And mean it
  23.    Walk to Ukraine
  24.    Cheer on England and mean it
  25.    Roll around in my own filth
  26.    Play with some C4
  27.    Throw petrol on a fire
  28.    Set fireworks off down my trousers
  29.    Challenge Mario Balotelli to a sword fight
  30.    Stand over Roy Keane when he goes down injured and accuse him of diving
  31.    Adopt a snow leopard
  32.    Fight a shark
  33.    Eat yellow snow
  34.    Eat brown snow
  35.    Wear a vest
  36.    Wear a thong
  37.    Attempt to make friends with the ‘Go Compare’ guy
  38.    Have sex with a lady boy
  39.    Fail to send on a chain message and risk the wrath
  40.    Reply to a spam e-mail with my full bank account details
  41.    Take Viagra before a night out
  42.    Play Vedran Corluka ahead of Kyle Walker
  43.    Justify my decision
  44.    Shop in Lidl’s
  45.    Embrace Jacamo
  46.    Watch two-and-a-half-men and enjoy it
  47.    Fight the empire without my lightsabre
  48.    Wax my nipples
  49.    Talk to an iPhone 4s and pretend I have a friend
  50.    Drink milk fresh from a cow’s udder

Just a few I could think and I’m sure there are more but that is how much I despite Chris Foy now.

Ben McAleer

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