One of the bonuses of not covering a Premier League match for Sky is that there aren’t too many foreign players on view. I’ve got nothing against overseas footballers, it’s just that some of them have outrageous long names, which can make even the most competent broadcasters sound like tong-tied idiots.
Admit it, you initially struggled to pronounce Jimmy Floyd Hasslebaink, Lomana Tresor LuaLua and especially Diniyar Rinatovich Bilyaletdinov? So imagine my horror when I was handed the teamsheet at Rochdale vs Huddersfield and the home team’s forward line was led by a played called Jean-Louis Akpa Akpro.
A number of pre-match attempts to say his name weren’t particularly successful, so I convinced myself that he wouldn’t do anything and therefore wouldn’t have to utter his name. And for 43 minutes, that was the case. And then… a lucky bounce of the ball in the Huddersfield box, a swing of a Frenchman’s left boot and my worst nightmare was set to come true! But what’s when it got confusing as the home tannoy announcer confirmed the goalscorer as a ‘Jean-Louis… Akpro’. I don’t have to say the Akpa bit, I thought. But then my Sky producer asked if the goalscorer was Jean-Louis Akpa Akpro.
So which name is right? I’ll be brave, I thought, I’ll go for the longer full name… deep breathe… another deep breathe… listen for Jeff’s cue and then… my producer says a goal report isn’t required!
Next game Hartlepool on Tuesday night.