Wayne Rooney and other folical disasters

The big news coming out of the England camp on  Wednesday was not the doubts over Steven Gerrard and Scott Parker playing every game in the tournament or anything from the press conference (as it contained Jordan Henderson and Danny Welbeck, twas to be expected) but something rather disturbing and sinister.

Yes, I am talking about this.

Sorry for springing that on you so suddenly there without at least a disclaimer. I understand if you do not want to read on from here and would like to have a nice warm cup of tea and hug.

If you’re still with me, this is not going to descend into a blog post having a good old chuckle about Mr Rooney’s new, expensive barnet . Oh no, we’re taking the high road and going for a lovely little reminiscence about some classic, dodgy footballer haircuts and we’re gonna take a look at some more examples that don’t get as much recognition. After all everyone knows about Taribo West’s…thing, Carlos Valderrama’s fro, Bobby Charlton’s combover and Chris Waddle’s mullet.

First up, I present to you one Claudio Caniggia with his long, luxuriant hair that makes him look part Gollum and part Lothario but all strange looking dude. Incidentally, check out the picture of him in that link embracing Diego Maradona; a picture taken with what would appear to be a lens that uses similar techniques to those carnival mirrors that makes one look fat.

Second along in the parade we can for an absolute classic of a mullet that makes Waddle’s own creation feel bad about itself. This attempt by a Mike Werner of Hansa Rostock is damn near unbeatable in length to fringe length ratio and some top quality facial hair to top it all off. Top work Mike; now if only you had a Wikipedia page as to allow me to find out more information on you.

On the subject of mullets (at least, I think this counts as a mullet), here is one from Alan Biley, presumably during his time at Portsmouth in the 1980s. It is unconfirmed just how many birds made nest in that haystack of his down the years.

How about this one from a young Chris Smalling? Whilst the afro is a very workable look (this coming from a 22-year-old white guy, mind) it just does not seem to fit young Chris here whatsoever.

Not exactly a lesser known one this but worth reposting just for the sure fun of it. Groundforce’s Charlie Dimmock/ Arsenal’s Ray Parlour rather foolishly going for the more is more option which just does not really work with ginger hair.

Perhaps the best commitment to dodgy haircuts in football comes from Abel Xavier, once of Everton and Liverpool. This handy little photo montage does much to explain why the ex-defender can be given essentially a lifetime achievement award in the field. This blogger’s personal favourite being the one on the top row in the middle where Xavier looks like a particularly startled owl crossed with boxing magnate Don King.

However, despite all these contenders, sometimes you just have to plump for a classic to go out on and that, of course, must mean the man who looks like he came straight off stage in his side career in a Biffy Clyro tribute act (or Steve the Pirate from the movie Dodgeball), one Alexi Lalas.

As a little treat, here is Waddle’s mullet in full flow on Top of the Pops.

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