A slice of Motd
It’s the moment you have all been eagerly anticipating, yes, that’s right, it’s the return of A slice of Motd!
I can sense your excitement over the internet and trust me dear fans I shall not disappoint.
We’ve got Gary Lineker, Alan Hansen and beardy Martin Keown doing the business for this edition of the nation’s favourite highlight show.
Fashion alert: Lineker and Hansen in black but Keown, rebel that he is, goes against the grain and opts for white.
Let’s get things kicked off (see what I did there?) with the barnstormer of a match that was Newcastle vs Chelsea. Alan Parjuf’s new signing Mouso Sissoko scored the winner late on and Chelsea continue to spiral. Keown is purring about Sissoko (or ‘Sissiko’ as he shockingly mis-pronounces) and his man of the match winning performance. Beardy Keown is not a very good pundit, that may be harsh but he always mis-pronounces players names which is really poor.
Oh, and that Ba thing? Ouch. Keown pips in saying Coloccini has ‘rearranged Ba’s face’.
Next, we have Everton vs Aston Villa which was a goal-fest. The Toffees struggled to contain the power of BENTEKE as the Belgian knocked in two goals. Hansen chips in the with the analysis pointing out that Villa looked good (3-1 up) but also displayed their bad side (game ended 3-3). The Scotsman likes BENTEKE, too, and says he is difficult to defend against. State the obvious, Alan.
Reading vs Sunderland follows and the Royals scored yet another late goal to take all three points. Keown waxes lyrical about how Reading have changed things up with their formation which has led to their recent run of form. I say that is bollocks as they still can’t defend and they are still scoring goals. What has in fact changed is the team’s mentality and the injection of self belief they have received from getting some key results. So there, Keown, still that in your beard and….shave it.
Onto Wigan vs Southampton and the Saints are another bottom of the league team who have been playing very well. They managed to get a point out of this particular game and Hansen likes Schneiderlen’s run which lead to Southampton’s second goal a lot. It was impressive but what wasn’t so impressive was Southampton’s defending for Wigan’s equalising goal. Defending like that will get you relegated.
Off to West London for the next game where Fulham take on Manchester United and a song springs to mind when speaking about this game: ‘Oh baby when the lights go out’. Yes, that’s right, Fulham clearly don’t pay their electricity bill. Curious that. Anyway, onto the post match analysis and Hansen babbles on about Rooney and van Persie being relatively good at defending.
We move swiftly on to Arsenal v Stoke City and Tony Pulis’s men failed to realise that it was a football match they were playing as displayed by Michael Owen’s shocking attempt to punch Mikel Arteta. Bloody foreigners, eh? Arsenal won 1-0 and the focus after the game was on new signing Nacho Monreal and his debut performance which was solid. Hansen fails to take this opportunity to make a brilliant joke/pun about the left-back’s name. Poor form, Alan, poor.
The penultimate game is West Ham vs Swansea, a game in which the artist formerly known as Andy Carroll scored the winner. Interestingly, he has had a hair cut but still wears that stupid alice band. Keown loves Carroll and spends the post match analysis throwing out superlatives like he’s just seen Messi knock in a double hat-trick in the Champions League.
Final game is a bore fest between QPR and Norwich. QPR are going down.
And that’s that for this edition of Match of the Day. Some good stuff from Hansen and Lineker but Keown let everybody down with his sloppy work. Tut tut. Bring back Des Lynam.
No Motd for a while with the interlull rearing its ugly head but I’ll be back whenever the next edition is.
‘Til then.
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