A slice of Motd – A recap of this weekend’s action

Sweat begins to drip from your brow, nerves are almost overcoming you, your legs start to get heavy….it can mean only one thing: time for A slice of Motd!

The crowd explodes in excitement. That’s right; the whole crowd, 60,000 odd, explode.

In the immortal words of Pink, let’s get this party started.

And this week there is a very special guest and that is Everton manager David Moyes. With any luck Gary Lineker and Alan Hansen won’t resort to their horrendous attempts at banter as is so usually the case when they have guests.

Unfortunately, Martin Keown is the other ‘pundit’ for this Saturday’s edition. Great player, poor pundit.

Fashion update: Lineker goes with the standard tight black shirt whereas Hansen has gone with blue as has Moyes, presumably in support of the club he manages and Keown has settled for plain old white and that atrocious beard.

Kicking things off (see what I did there eh eh?) is Arsenal vs Norwich where the Gunners showed some real grit and determination to come from 1-0 to win 3-1. Important game for Arsene Wenger’s men has they continue to put pressure on their north London neighbours in the fight for the Champions League spot. Keown provides the analysis and all the talk is about the controversy surrounding Arsenal’s equaliser. It was a penalty and just because the linesman made the call doesn’t make it controversial. This is a case of much ado about nothing as it does not excuse Norwich’s meltdown in the last ten minutes of the game. Of course, Moyes reckons it wasn’t a penalty (it was).

Everton vs QPR next and surely the game is up for ‘Arry’s men. The game was up when they decided it was a good idea to give Christopher Samba all that money to play for them. Madness. Anyway, Everton did the business and only a miracle can keep QPR up now. Unsurprisingly, they go to Moyes and in that thick Scottish accent he states how happy he is with his Toffees. They’re having a great season and it is a credit to them that they remain in the hunt for the Champions League places. Lineker goes there with a question about Moyes’ future and he swats it away with consummate ease as only football manager can.

Next up on the agenda is Aston Villa against Fulham and Villa further helped their survival hopes with a hard fought point. Unfortunately the power of BENTEKE could not propel to three points but Paul Lambert will take the point all the same. Quick side note: Martin Jol sounds like he smokes no less than 50 cigarettes per day. Followed by some whisky. Then some rum. Then a dozen cigars. Hansen’s analysis focuses on Delph who despite scoring an own goal and missing a good chance had a pretty good game according to the Scotsman.

West Ham’s trip to Southampton follows and, amazingly, Andy Carroll has now scored in consecutive games for the Hammers. Well, I never. 1-1 was the score and unbelievably the Saint’s new manager Maurico Pochettino still hasn’t learnt how to speak English. Tut tut. Moyes has been impressed by Southampton and they all have a chat about goal-line technology as it looked like Southampton had one over the line but it wasn’t given.

Finishing off the show we have Reading hosting Liverpool in what will we remembered as the best game Alex McCarthy ever played. He was outstanding and whilst a point may not be enough to see Reading stay up it definitely won’t hurt. The post match chat is all about that rather good performance during which McCarthy made ten (count ’em) saves. Good on him. There’s a funny clip of ref Mark Clattenburg forgetting his cards and that is probably the most humorous thing on all the whole show. Crikey.

After what has been a pretty good edition of Motd Hansen ruins it all by trying to imitate an awkward dad with rubbish jokes as he tries to get a laugh out of everybody just because they have Moyes there. What a wally.

Moyes was a good guest, a little dull in truth, but a good draw because of his standing as a Premier League manager. I call for Wenger or Ferguson to make a special appearance next time. Now that would be good.

The less said about Keown the better.

Till next week.