Love him or loathe him, Luis Suarez is now one of the most recognised football players in world football. His antics off the pitch have caused a stir with many across the footballing spectrum, but for those of you who still hold the Uruguayan in high regard, here are three steps to become the 26-year-old.
1) The first step of any transformation is the appearance. First up, chisel your teeth into a point, as ratty as possible. Add a wealth of wax into your hair so you can’t tell if it has been styled or just left to grease, and you’re already a third of the way there.
2) Next up, you need to be hated. Suarez’s infamous handball in the South Africa World Cup 2010 should be the benchmark. As your partner is pouring her morning cup of coffee, rush in and slap the cup away. The spillage and third degree burns will all be worth it when you become the Liverpool striker. Use your imagination with this one.
3) Of course, to get your certificate you will need to bite someone… twice. Remove your muzzle and let your gnashers free. Picture the scene – you’re casually going about your weekly shop and someone cuts you up with their trolley. Instead of accepting their apology, follow them and when they are reaching for that jar of pickles on the top shelf, take a chunk out of their torso.
Congratualations, you are now Luis Suarez*.
*Not strictly true.