In need of assistance. Or maybe not…
Port Vale are already making progress under the temporary management team of Mark Grew and Geoff Horsfield, with both now favourites to become permanent appointments.
It’s been two weeks since Vale parted company with former-manager Jim Gannon, after just 74 days in charge.
Of course, most know the reason behind Gannon’s less than enjoyable spell at Vale Park.
The now infamous scrap between Gannon and his assistant Horsfield as the two were involved in a heated “debate” on the team coach as the squad travelled to play Aldershot.
Gannon then met his legal representative at a service station before Horsfield also left the coach further into the journey.
This altercation begs the questions, what about if other managers and assistants fall foul of disagreement and cause friction within their clubs ranks?
Well, here’s what could happen over the next year for both of the Premiership’s most high profile gaffers…
May 31st 2011
It’s been another trophy-less season for Arsenal, prompting Arsene Wenger and his trusty sidekick Pat Rice to let their hair down and drown their sorrows in a local London bar.
After a few too many white-wine spritzers, the two spot its karaoke night and decide to take to the stage.
After Wenger brings the house down with a startling rendition of Pink’s classic Get the Party Started, Rice leaves the audience in tears with a heart-rending performance of I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston.
Unhappy by the attention received by his assistant, Wenger proposes the two perform a duet. The Frenchman decides on a real classic, Don’t Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee. Rice is less keen though and fancies a more contemporary number in Enrique Inglesias’ Escape.
Wenger is enraged, stating that as brilliant as it may be, Escape is a one person song and would be too difficult to attempt as a duo. Rice disagrees and asks for the opinion of all five members of the crowd, who remain disinterested.
A fight ensues, in-fact more of a wrestle, both men too intoxicated to flail their tired arms. After being broke up the bar’s manager, it is decided only a rap battle will settle matters.
Wenger drops beats like his various keepers drop crosses and Rice has a tough act to follow. Yet, with break dancing moves he learnt from Nicklas Bendtner, Rice wins via a three-two person vote.
Escape it is, Rice sings his heart out by Wenger’s disinterest is obvious and misses his cues on regular occasions, afterwards stating he “did not see” the screen.
Both leave in separate taxi’s, with the two ending the night on a sour note. Two weeks later, Rice leaves by mutual consent, citing “musical differences” as the reason to his departure.
Months later, under the name “P-Riz”, Rice represents the over 28’s in the X Factor Live Finals, Louis Walsh is his mentor and after his first live performance, Walsh says his star “deserves a place in the final”.
Rice is voted off on the same night.
June 26th 2011
With the treble in the bag, the Ferguson’s and the Phelan’s take a well deserved family-trip away to Butlins, Sir Alex revealing the credit crunch is behind his cheap getaway.
Sir Alex and Mike announce the booking to their wives, who laugh and decide on a trip to Spain instead, leaving the two lads on their own for a bromantic trip together. Ferguson invites his son Darren but the Peterborough manager responds “I’m not ten anymore”.
So it’s just Al and Mike, on the road in Gary Neville’s Prius they borrowed for the weekend.
After driving for five straight hours, Ferguson points out that it doesn’t normally take this long to get to Butlins. Phelan says he has been reading the directions his boss gave him and that he must have not listened.
Ferguson is enraged and throws his sat-nav out of the window in anger. It flies into a nearby car and strikes the driver just above the eye. The unlucky victim is later revealed to be David Beckham.
With tension rising inside the vehicle, they pull over to get directions from a local villager. He tells them they’ve gone thirty miles the wrong way and that Ferguson’s tactical skills are a lot better than his driving. Sir Alex responds by announcing he will never be talking to this villager ever again and Phelan must interact with him for the duration of the conversation.
When they start up again, the Prius comes to a junction. Fergie thinks right, Phelan thinks left. Fergie goes right and they end up on an abandoned farm. An arguments breaks out and Ferguson threatens to “turn this car around right now and go home”. Phelan agrees and the two return to Manchester without saying a word to each other for the whole two-day journey, the only sound that can be heard is The Very Best of David Essex.
Phelan quits three days later and Fergie is forced to use an automated message to speak to the BBC for the start of the new season.
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