Pardew’s beard inspires Toon Army lunacy

As reports emerge of Newcastle fans who disrupted an amateur game ahead of their away game against Wigan this past Sunday, there are some who are suggesting that it is the sight of Newcastle manager Alan Pardew’s ‘le tramp’ beard that is sending them into a wild frenzy.

The amateur game was being held at Wigan’s DW stadium before the game between the two Premier League teams and the Newcastle fans apparently ran onto the pitch and dropped their trousers before hanging from the crossbars of the goals. 

This truly primal behaviour from a group of fans who are renowned for their serenity and peaceful ways has confused many. The only possible excuse for this outburst of disruptive action from the Toon Army can be Alan Pardew’s truly scary and horrible attempt at a beard.

Following extensive research it has been discovered that upon viewing Pardew’s face Newcastle fans begin to foam at the mouth before turning green and then running into the middle of an amatuer football match looking to destroy everything in their sight. They finish their rampage by mooning everybody.

The club have urged Pardew to find a razor and put an end to the madness but rumour has it that the manager won’t be shaving it until Newcastle reach this season’s Europa League final.

Prepare yourselves for more animalistic behaviour from Newcastle fans as the sight of Pardew’s ‘beard’ turns the most serene men into monsters.