Luis Suarez against the world

“Luis Suarez is a man of integrity, a man of peace and love. He has been a voice for the stands in the modern game, outspoken and loved by every fan. It is a shame the sports governing bodies and the media do not see him for what he truly is: a revolutionary hero.”, said Luis Suarez in his most recent interview.

In other news: information has surfaced that John Terry only had relations with Vanessa Perroncel because ‘he wanted to have more in common with Wayne Bridge’. Sol Campbell didn’t know Arsenal were Tottenham’s biggest rivals and Gazza mistook Raoul Moat for Ruel Fox when he claimed to know the deadly assassin (Moat, not Fox).

Obviously, those aren’t the exact words from the man of the moment, but I’m sure he speaks in third person; he seems the type. The self-centered, egotistical, type. Suarez claimed to be a victim of the media, rather than a victim of insanity. HE CLAIMS HE IS THE VICTIM PEOPLE.

So everyone is picking on Luis, then. You have to feel for Suarez, he’s just never really been given the chance, has he? It’s a crying shame for the player and the footballing community that the media must continue to nit-pick at such trivial issues such as racism, cannibalism, diving, cheating and feigning injury.

If the Uruguayan chooses to stay on Merseyside come the start of the season I’m half expecting to see a senile Kenny Dalglish parading the pitch (still in his Suarez t-shirt) attempting to bite players to show common ground. No one would dare question King Kenny, would they? Cue Scouse hospitals to be overcrowded on account of insufficient tetanus shots.