Film Star Footballers

Footballers are often renowned for their acting on the field from diving to theatrically feigning injuries. So with the upcoming Academy Awards ceremony here’s a list of players who could be cast and shine in potential movie remakes.

David Villa as Zorro: Not only could David Villa fit the shoes of Antonio Banderas but he’d spruce them up into a fine set of loafers. Only a Spaniard could master the role and the Barcelona forward trumps Banderas on looks and style. The iconic devil’s beard seemingly engraved below his lower lip reveals the masked hero’s true identity to the audience whilst he also possesses the coolness to transform a somewhat camp figure from the previous films. In cinema, everyone is getting darker, from James Bond to Batman. Zorro was a character that cried out for more of an edge. Villa could deliver it.

Dimitar Berbatov as Dracula: There are so many roles that Berbatov could land. Rio Ferdinand once cast him as The Godfather but he’d have to brush up on his Italian and his lack of New York cred would make him look like he’s the one being mugged. The Manchester United striker could also give Andy Garcia a run for his money in Ocean’s Fourteen but it’s Count Dracula which accommodates Berbatov the greatest. Not only would his Bulgarian roots shine through in Transylvania but his lanky posture and pale complexion give him more of a resemblance to the classic Christopher Lee vampire than Gary Oldman’s 1992 equivalent.

Wayne Rooney as Shrek: It’s a stigma which has dogged England’s star striker throughout his career. His receding hairline in recent seasons has only inflamed the comparisons. With Coleen McLoughlin (now Mrs. Rooney) as his Princess Fiona and a set of individually detached teeth, Wayne resembles the lovable ogre in several aspects. So much so that a 49 foot effigy of the Manchester United player was built with green Shrek-like ears for Bonfire Night. Rooney could even ask Paul Scholes if he wants the part as gingerbread man.

Gareth Bale in Planet of the Apes: The Welsh youngster has exploded on to the world stage this season with most notably a hat-trick against Champions League holders Inter Milan. Still, it doesn’t veer from the fact his face resembles that of a chimp’s. It’s almost as if the costume designers from Planet of the Apes used the 21-year-old as inspiration when creating Dr. Zaius and co. or perhaps God was watching the 1968 feature film before moulding the future Spurs midfielder. If you had to choose one, Cornelius’ pale and youthful face suits Bale best.  

Gennaro Gattuso in 300: The controversial Italian midfielder and no nonsense hairy-faced beast only enhanced that reputation by squaring up to Spurs assistant manager Joe Jordan after his AC Milan team lost 1-0 in the Champions League. Often seen parading the pitch shirtless, (and after Italy’s 2006 World Cup victory, shortless) Gattuso would fit the role of a Spartan warrior perfectly. Also on his resume includes backhanding his now Milan team mate Zlatan Ibrahimovic across the chops and unceremoniously rubbing victory into the face of Liverpool midfielder Christian Poulsen, then of Schalke 04. There’s hardly anyone else in the world let alone in football who could convincingly deliver the immortal words: “This. Is. SPARTA!”